Every Penguin Player Survives Season-Ending Blowout

Dateline: November 23, 2008, Oak Park. FC Penguins held their post-season bash today. No police were called, and no fatalities were recorded. After a brief welcome, Coach Steadman made made a number of remarks to the team members, family and assembled fans. He first thanked Coach Reilly for a terrific season, and presented him with a Penguins-logo shirt lettered with "COACH REILLY" on the back.

Coach Steadman then harkened back to the first team meeting of the year, before match 1, and reminded his players that their season was founded from the beginning on hustle and team play. Tears welling up in his eyes, he thanked the team for a terrific season and for their hard work. "This is a remarkable group of young women," Coach Steadman said. "I really believe that any of you can accomplish anything you put your minds to."

Coach Steadman then presented the season awards, which were:

MOST VERSITILE/BEST PASSER: #8, Lauren Atchley.

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR: #5, Andie Corsino.

BRANDI CHASTAIN AWARD FOR BRICK-WALL DEFENSE: #6, Sarah "Roku" Steadman.

AVIS, WE TRY HARDEST AWARD: #9, Jackie McShan.

MOST IMPROVED: #2, Adela Duewel.

MIA HAMM/RED FACE AWARD FOR HUSTLE: #3, Taylor Leibig.

BEST GOALIE AWARD FOR MOST QUARTERS LOGGED BETWEEN THE PIPES: #4, Maura Reilly.

MVP (MOST VALUABLE PENGUIN): #7, Audrey Madura.

Each player received a Penguin-logo shirt with her name, and a medal commemorating the season.

The team then presented Coaches Steadman and Reilly with autographed balls, and season scrapbooks. "I cried," admitted Coach Steadman.