Although analyst "Uncle Peter" Goyer says that no one bearing Steadman genes could ever have the sports acumen to actually skate and play hockey, video emerged today showing Sarah "Roku" Steadman and William "Wolfman" Steadman mastering the blades and cutting the ice. In separate videos, Roku and Wolfman show considerable skill on the ice.
The evidence, however, suggests that genetic alteration may be at play. In many of the videos, Roku Steadman is seen wearing a white Canada national team jersey bearing a red maple leaf on the front, and in other videos she is wearing a red Chicago Blackhawks jersey. Wolfman is seen wearing a dark red throwback Canada national jersey with a maple leaf design in all of the videos. Expert geneticist and famous Steadman aunt Ellen Matloff was quoted as saying: "the Canadian jerseys express significant evidence of at least partial Canadian genetic background, and may influence propensity for outstanding play on the ice." Huh? "They might be at least partially Canadian, and they look pretty good to me," she elaborated.
Asked how a Canadian could wear a Chicago Blackhawks jersey, Roku Steadman replied: "Look, I'm not going to give the so-called 'Canadian Theory' any credence one way or the other, but the fact is more than half of the Current Blackhawks' lineup is Canadian. Jonathan Toews? Canadian. Patrick Sharp? Canadian. Brent Seabrook? Canadian. Duncan Keith? Canadian. Brian Campbell? Candian. They have a French Goalie, sure, and a Czech, but the only decent American guys they have are Kane and Burish. So draw your own conclusions on that."
Sports exploits of the amazing Steadman children.