Orange Tigers Bite Volcanoes F.C. 6-1

Dateline: September 26, 2009, Fox Park. The Volcanoes Football Club fell to an 0-2 record this morning, surrendering 6 goals to Orange Tigers at Fox Park. Volcanoes averted a shutout, and notched their first point of the season, but it was on an inadvertent goal by one of the orange-shirted enemies. Despite a number of good shots by the Erupters, they simply could not put the ball in the back of the net.

William Steadman, who survived a hard-kicked ball to the face with nary a tear, mused after the match on the nature of winning and losing. "No one will remember who won the Oak Park Park District Pre-K/K league in 2009," he said. "We face impossible odds. We may lose every match. We may get blown out every time. We may never score again. But this is a team, dammit, and we stand for each other like men, like warriors." Then he mounted a park bench and began to rouse his team:

"If we are mark'd to die, we are enough to do our country loss; and if to live, the fewer men the greater share of honor. God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more. Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host, that he which hath no stomach to this fight, let him depart; his passport shall be made, and crowns for convoy put into his purse; we would not play in that man's company that fears his fellowship to die with us. He that outlives this day and comes safe home, will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd, and rouse him a the name of Crispian! He that shall live this day and see old age will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbors, and say 'to-morrow is St. Crispian.' Then he will strip his sleeve and show his scars, and say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.' Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot, but he'll remember, with advantages, what feats he did that day. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; for he to-day that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile. This day shall gentle his condition; and gentlemen in England now-a-bed shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."

After which he mounted a white horse and rode away across the pitch and out of Fox Park, exclaiming "Once more into the breach, dear friends! Once more; or close the wall up with our English dead!"