Blackhawk Netminder Huet Sent Down to Panthers for Remedial Work

Dateline: October 18, 2009.  After allowing three goals on five shots in .28 milliseconds against Calgary, and a goal on a ricochet last night against Dallas, goaltender Cristobal Huet has been sent down to the minors to get some work and restore his confidence.  However, unlike winger Jack Skille who has bounced almost daily between AAA affiliate Rockford and the NHL club, Huet is being sent farther down in the Hawks' system.  "Dey sent mee to Fwanklin Park to pway for de Gold Mite 1 Panthers team," he said in a smarmy, almost unintelligible French accent this morning, between mouthfulls of snails and stinky cheeses.  "I guess dey have a pwetty good team dere, no?"

On the upside, Franklin Park will not be much of a geographical change for the Gaullist goalie.  It is located only about 5 miles from the United Center and 8 miles from the Blackhawks' practice ice.  On the downside, however, Huet faces stiff competition at his new team.  "The starting job is mine," says goalie Sebastian Hanulik.  "If the thinks he's coming in here to be handed the job, he has another think coming." 

"Right now, he couldn't stop a soft shot from an 8-year old girl," one analyst who wished to remain nameless said.  "And that's a real problem for the Panthers, because there are a lot of good 8-year old girls in their league."

"This 8-year old girl says no Froggie goalies," said defenseman Sarah "Go-San" Steadman.  "I'm with Sebastian.  Let Cristobal ride the pine."

Cell Phone Video Emerges Proving At Least Some Steadmans Can Skate And May Actually Bear Secret Canadian Citizenship

Although analyst "Uncle Peter" Goyer says that no one bearing Steadman genes could ever have the sports acumen to actually skate and play hockey, video emerged today showing Sarah "Roku" Steadman and William "Wolfman" Steadman mastering the blades and cutting the ice. In separate videos, Roku and Wolfman show considerable skill on the ice.



The evidence, however, suggests that genetic alteration may be at play. In many of the videos, Roku Steadman is seen wearing a white Canada national team jersey bearing a red maple leaf on the front, and in other videos she is wearing a red Chicago Blackhawks jersey. Wolfman is seen wearing a dark red throwback Canada national jersey with a maple leaf design in all of the videos. Expert geneticist and famous Steadman aunt Ellen Matloff was quoted as saying: "the Canadian jerseys express significant evidence of at least partial Canadian genetic background, and may influence propensity for outstanding play on the ice." Huh? "They might be at least partially Canadian, and they look pretty good to me," she elaborated.



Asked how a Canadian could wear a Chicago Blackhawks jersey, Roku Steadman replied: "Look, I'm not going to give the so-called 'Canadian Theory' any credence one way or the other, but the fact is more than half of the Current Blackhawks' lineup is Canadian. Jonathan Toews? Canadian. Patrick Sharp? Canadian. Brent Seabrook? Canadian. Duncan Keith? Canadian. Brian Campbell? Candian. They have a French Goalie, sure, and a Czech, but the only decent American guys they have are Kane and Burish. So draw your own conclusions on that."

Chicago Sports Family Fails to Agree on a single Team Jersey for Annual Holiday Photo.

Dateline: November 30, 2008, Oak Park. Sports Family Steadman was today unable to agree on a single team, much less a single jersey, for their annual Christmas Photo. "Blackhawks are the best Chicago team!" cried Sarah "Roku" Steadman. "The Cubs blew it at the end, the Bears are mediocre at best, who knows what's going on with the Bulls (though I acknowledge that Rose is a huge upgrade), and the Wolves are minor league!"

"You don't know nuthin," rejoined William Steadman, resplendant in his green-eyed Wolves jersey. "The Wolves have more championships in the last six years than any team within 100 miles of Chicago. When was the last time the Stanley Cup resided here? Oh, yeah, I forgot, it was before dirt was invented. Before Mom was born! Come on, get with the now!!!!!!"

"Beawrs!" shouted Emma Steadman. "Foo!"

Mom and Dad just looked on, sadly wearing their Cubs jerseys and wishing it were less than 100 years since the last title for their baseball team.

Steadmans go head-to-head on the ice.

In a first today, the NHL sanctioned exhibition play between two teams featuring siblings -- brother and sister. Sarah Steadman, playing for the Blackhawks, tried to defense the offensive firepower of her brother William Steadman, playing for the Wolves. The ice nearly melted from the heat of the confrontation. This promises to be one of the bitterest rivalries in the history of professional sports, fans, so stay tuned.

NHL Police Interdict Oak Park Cubs Fans Posing as Blackhawks Fans as Cubs Rest Starters and Prepare for Playoffs.

Noted baseball fans posing as hockey fans on free tickets.

Dateline: September 26, 2008, United Center, Chicago. Noted Cubs fans Paul and Sarah Steadman were photographed by our intrepid reporter this evening posing at the United Center as Blackhawks fans, wearing matching red Blackhawks jerseys. The two even screamed at the tops of their lungs as the Blackhawks overcame a 3-0 deficit in the first period with four unanswered goals, to win the match 4-3. Paul was witnessed eating pizza, while Sarah favored nachos. Further investigation by our intrepid reporter revealed that the Steadmans attended the match on free tickets gifted by a co-worked of Paul's.





NHL hockey police were quickly dispatched to return the pair to Oak Park, where they were last seen plotting a renewed assault on Wrigley field, Italian sausages, and Old Style for the MLB playoffs.

Hockey fever appears to be
spreading from Chicago to Oak Park.