Admirals Sink Huskies -- but score first and score thrice

Dateline: January 10, 2010, Oak Park. The Oak Park Huskies showed remarkable improvement today. Forward Brendan scored his first goal of the season at 8:45 in the first period, giving the Huskies' their frist llead of season. Unfortunately, it lasted only about 30 seconds, as the Admirals retaliated at 8:17 scoring their first goal. The Huskies played a solid game, scoring twice more -- once late in the second period and once again at 7:03 in the Third. But they but could not hold off the stronger, bigger Admirals. The final score was 9-3.

"We have a lot of work to do, but we played solid hockey at some points today" said Number 12, William "Bakugon Pokemon Hot-Rod" Steadman.

Huskies Fall to Redwings 9-1 But Show Improvement

Dateline: January 4, 2010, Oak Park.  The Oak Park Silver Mite Huskies took the ice today, one game after their debut loss to the Leafs but with renewed purpose. Playing at home for the first time, the Huskies were enthusiastic. “Let’s get ‘em!” cried defenseman William Steadman, #12.

The Huskies played tough hockey all day, but could not seem to crack the Redwings’ goalie. “He was huge,” said one player. “I think I saw him playing for the Redwings’ Gold Mite team a few weeks ago,” said another player’s father.” “Cheaters,” concluded another fan.

“I don’t know if he cheated or not,” said William Bakugan Hot-Rod Pokemon Steadman. “But he looked absolutely stupid in that Viking-horn helmet. I mean, their the Redwings, not the Vikings. Where did he get that crap?”

The Huskies ultimately lost the match, and were down 5-0 late in the second, but did find something to give their fans hope. With 3:00 left to play in the second, forward Jamie hammered one in for the Huskies’ first goal of the season, celebrating all the way down the ice.

“We now have something to build on,” said Steadman.

Huskies Silver Mite Team Debuts But Drops Game -- William "Bakugon Hot-Rod Pokemon" Steadman hits the ice

Dateline January 3, 2010.  The Oak Park Silver Mite Huskies made their long-awaited appearance today at the Leafs Ice Center in deep-suburban Chicago. Although they showed spunk, they simply did not have enough to bag the leafs. “I like to think it was a learning opportunity,” said defenseman William Steadman playing in his new #12 jersey. “We certainly have a lot of room to improve, and we intend to do so.”

The Huskies began quick, but were slowed midway through the first quarter when one of their forwards fell and decided on a nap. After the coach roused him, the Huskies allowed the Leafs to net their first goal at 9:35. Unfortunately for the Huskies, they never regained the lead and in fact failed to score for the rest of the contest.

There were flashes of brilliance, however. Forward Hanna displayed excellent puck-handling and defenseman Steadman showed nice skating. Steadman also played a bit at center in the second period, winning the first face-off of his career.

The happy Huskies dropped the match 5-0 (or at least that is what the scoreboard said -- the officials may have missed a few Leaf goals along the way) but were thrilled with their first performance.

After the match, Steadman’s sister Sarah “Go-San” Steadman of the Franklin Park Panthers called Steadman to congratulate him and attach a moniker for future stories of this type. “Good work,” she said, “but you need a nickname. For soccer season, you were ‘hot rod.’ You going with that?”

“It’s not enough to capture my essence,” replied brother William.

“What do you want?”

“I want something with the fighting spirit of the Bakugan Battle Brawlers and the fame of the Pokemon!”

“OK. I’ll tell the reporter (named Dad) that from now on you are William Bakugan Hot-Rod Pokemon Steadman.”

“Perfect.”

William "Hot Rod" Steadman starts MaxDev Season with Friend Michael "Bakugan" Peel

Dateline: October 31, 2009.   Forward William Steadman and his friend, forward Michael Peel, began the MaxDev "house league" season today.  On the ride to the rink, Steadman's father joked "maybe I'll sign you up for goalie this season."

"NO WAY!" responded Hot Rod.

"Why not?"

"Because my shot is getting better, Dad, and I'm planning to SCORE!"

Volcanoes net first win in last-day doubleheader; Hot Wheels Steadman scores hat trick

Dateline: September 24, 2009.  Playing in cold conditions and ankle-deep mud, Voncanoes showed the spunk their fans have expected all season and netted their first win.  Playing against a team wearing yellow pinnies over their winter coats, and streaked with mud, Volcanoes hammered out a 4-0 shutout primarily on the strength of three goals by forward William "Hot Rod" Steadman.  "Call me 'Hat Trick' Steadman from now on!" he screamed to the electric crowd.

In the second game of the double-header against Green Machine, Volcanoes fared not as well, falling 0-6.

VOLCANOES 2009 TEAM PHOTO

Torpedoes and Volcanoes Rained Out

Dateline October 17, 2009.  Due to heavy rain in the Chicago area this week, scheduled matches for both Torpedoes F.C. and F.C. Volcanoes were canceled this weekend.  Torpedoes' match will be made up at a time to be determined, but Volcanoes' match will not.  "Darn it," said Volcanoes' forward William Steadman.  "My fans were really looking forward to trying out my new nickname, 'Hot Wheels Steadman.'"

"No they weren't," responded Sarah "Go-San" Steadman.  "You have an overactive imagination."

Forward William Steadman reports for first hockey practice of MaxDev season

Dateline: October 11, 2009, Really Really Early.  This morning forward William Steadman reported for his first practice with his new Max Dev hockey club.  "Wow, it's early," said his Dad.  "I'm ready to take over this league," said William.  "Bring them on."

Practice went well, and season games start in a few weeks. Meanwhile, rumors swirled about Steadman when he was viewed skating close to a female player in red.  "No kiss and tell," was all he would tell this reporter.

Orange Bolts lock Volcanoes 1-3 but Red Team gets first Goal

Dateline: October 10, 2009.  Dawn broke early and cold on the muddy field at Fox Park.  The referee arrived looking rough, possibly after a long Friday night on the town.  The Auger foretold a messy match, and messy it was as the Volcanoes dropped to 0-4 on the season.

But first there was business to do.  "The name 'Volcanoes' isn't lucky," announced forward William Steadman.  "We should change it."

"What do you like better?" his coach asked.

"Hot wheels!" he responded.

"There aren't enough people on the team who like that name to call for a vote," responded the Coach.  "Maybe next week."

Maybe that rejection fired Steadman's determination to get his first goal; no one will ever know.  But the rest of the morning went better for the Steadman than it did for Volcanoes.

The teams played wet and muddy scrum in the first half.  There were several good blocks by both teams' goalies.  Volcano Micah, playing goalie in the second quarter, was repeatedly forced to go face-down in the mud to make stops, so often that his jersey was a uniform shade of wet-brown by halftime.  But he prevented all shots, and it was all tied at zero going into halftime.

At the beginning of the third quarter, just after halftime, forward William "the Wolf" Steadman broke away with the ball, behind the Orange Bolt defense, and went end-to-end for a beautiful shot past the Bolt goalie.  It was the Volcanoes first offensive goal of the season. Steadman was all smiles and fist-pumps, clearly pleased with himself. 

Still in the third, a Volcano tripped a Bolt.  The referee, still looking dazed, awarded a cheap penalty kick that resulted in the Bolts' first goal and it was all tied again 1-1.

Orange scored again in the third to make the score 1-2.

In the fourth quarter, Steadman played stout defense then (after position substitutions) had another nice shot on goal that almost resulted in a score.  On the breakaway the other way, however, goalie Drew Kunkel fell asleep and allowed the Bolts' third goal.

The match ended 1-3, for the Volcanoes fourth consecutive loss.  But there was a lot to like in their spunky play.  They out-shot the Bolts, despite a size disadvantage, and they passed well.  They got their first goal, and at times showed excellent defense.  "We'll win one for sure by the end of the season," predicted an optimistic Steadman.  "But we may need a long season."

Orange Crush Fizzes Improved Volcanoes

Dateline: October 3, 2009.  Vocanoes showed improved play today but failed to capitalize as they lost their third straight game, this time to the Orange Crush. 

Before the match, forward William Steadman relaxed on the playground, relaxing, getting rady to play.  Volcanoes arrived at the pitch with an upbeat attitude, but things turned almost immediately as the Crush scored on the initial kickoff, taking the ball from midfield to directly to net. 

Volcanoes rallied, holding off Crush for two straight quarters after that.  Drew Kunkel and William Steadman both had impressive drives, with shots on goal, but the Crush goalie blocked all attacks. The ball control, passing, and attention were much improved over recent weeks, and this reporter was surprised that Volcanoes were not able to score.  Meanwhile, Steadman's little sister Emma "flag" Steadman chased the flag in the corner of the pitch, trying to catch it.  "It was just too high," she said.

Volcanoes kept it up for two quarters but, in the third quarter, Volcanoes lost focus with Kunkel playing goalie.  Kunkel, looking the other way, simply did not see the Crush attack, and Orange side scored on a good shot.

Steadman and Kunkel again had aggressive, impressive shots on goal in the fourth period, only to be denied by several lucky breaks that fell to the Crush goalie.  Of course, the match was interrupted several times to pet a furry fan.

With seconds left in the match, Crush scored a final lucky goal on Esteban, playing goalie, to end the match 3-0. 

So far, Volcanoes have failed to score an offensive goal this season which has been a surprise -- the feature good passing, good control, and good shooting but luck simply has not broken their way in a 0-3 start.

Orange Tigers Bite Volcanoes F.C. 6-1

Dateline: September 26, 2009, Fox Park. The Volcanoes Football Club fell to an 0-2 record this morning, surrendering 6 goals to Orange Tigers at Fox Park. Volcanoes averted a shutout, and notched their first point of the season, but it was on an inadvertent goal by one of the orange-shirted enemies. Despite a number of good shots by the Erupters, they simply could not put the ball in the back of the net.

William Steadman, who survived a hard-kicked ball to the face with nary a tear, mused after the match on the nature of winning and losing. "No one will remember who won the Oak Park Park District Pre-K/K league in 2009," he said. "We face impossible odds. We may lose every match. We may get blown out every time. We may never score again. But this is a team, dammit, and we stand for each other like men, like warriors." Then he mounted a park bench and began to rouse his team:

"If we are mark'd to die, we are enough to do our country loss; and if to live, the fewer men the greater share of honor. God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more. Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host, that he which hath no stomach to this fight, let him depart; his passport shall be made, and crowns for convoy put into his purse; we would not play in that man's company that fears his fellowship to die with us. He that outlives this day and comes safe home, will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd, and rouse him a the name of Crispian! He that shall live this day and see old age will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbors, and say 'to-morrow is St. Crispian.' Then he will strip his sleeve and show his scars, and say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.' Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot, but he'll remember, with advantages, what feats he did that day. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; for he to-day that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile. This day shall gentle his condition; and gentlemen in England now-a-bed shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."

After which he mounted a white horse and rode away across the pitch and out of Fox Park, exclaiming "Once more into the breach, dear friends! Once more; or close the wall up with our English dead!"

Volcanoes fall to Black Shirts 1-4 In Opener but Rookie Talent Erupts

Dateline: September 19, 2009, Fox Park. The Oak Park Volcanoes Football Club dropped their inaugural match to the Black Shirts 4-1 this morning. However, fans saw room for optimism in the debut of a number of rookie players for the Crimson Jerseys.

Coach Jamal met the team about 30 minutes before the game and gave an upbeat lecture to get blood pumping. There was really no need, as these 5 year old colts were ready to rumble. But there was business to cover. "What is the team's name," this intrepid reporter asked. "I don't know," responded Coach Jamal, who then quizzed his team about their choice for a moniker. "Flame," said one red-jersey wearing youth. "Lava," said another. "Volcanoes," said a third, and the name stuck.

But the real story was the premiere of hockey phenom William Steadman in a football, a sport where he had never played a game before. Steadman and his friend, Drew Kunkel, hammered the field throughout the morning giving fans and pundits plenty to discuss.

In the first quarter, Steadman was assigned to play wing. He quickly set the tone for the match with two shots on goal and excellent ball handling. Kunkel, his partner in crime, played defense and was awarded a goal kick but was unable to score.

In the second quarter, Steadman had a breakaway nearly all the way downfield but was unable to control the ball at the end for a clean shot. Black scored a goal while the Volcanoes' goalie had her back to the play -- oddly, it was a goal kick awarded for a foul but the goalie appeared not to be paying attention. Near the end of the quarter, Steadman had another shot on goal but like the first it was blocked by the Black's goalie.

In the third quarter, Volcano Daniel started in goal and had a magnificent block before missing the rebound to allow the Black's second goal. Teammate Gretchen was talking to her mother at the time. Kunkel then took the goalie position, but allowed another Black goal on a nearly identical play.

Steadman manned the goal for most of the Fourth quarter, and made a brilliant save. Later, however, he was seen swinging like a monkey from the crossbar, and eventually allowed a fourth Black goal high in the corner. Nevertheless, close observers saw potential in his play, including several charges on the ball that resulted in key turnovers.

"We lost," Steadman said after the game, "but I was excellent."

Cell Phone Video Emerges Proving At Least Some Steadmans Can Skate And May Actually Bear Secret Canadian Citizenship

Although analyst "Uncle Peter" Goyer says that no one bearing Steadman genes could ever have the sports acumen to actually skate and play hockey, video emerged today showing Sarah "Roku" Steadman and William "Wolfman" Steadman mastering the blades and cutting the ice. In separate videos, Roku and Wolfman show considerable skill on the ice.



The evidence, however, suggests that genetic alteration may be at play. In many of the videos, Roku Steadman is seen wearing a white Canada national team jersey bearing a red maple leaf on the front, and in other videos she is wearing a red Chicago Blackhawks jersey. Wolfman is seen wearing a dark red throwback Canada national jersey with a maple leaf design in all of the videos. Expert geneticist and famous Steadman aunt Ellen Matloff was quoted as saying: "the Canadian jerseys express significant evidence of at least partial Canadian genetic background, and may influence propensity for outstanding play on the ice." Huh? "They might be at least partially Canadian, and they look pretty good to me," she elaborated.



Asked how a Canadian could wear a Chicago Blackhawks jersey, Roku Steadman replied: "Look, I'm not going to give the so-called 'Canadian Theory' any credence one way or the other, but the fact is more than half of the Current Blackhawks' lineup is Canadian. Jonathan Toews? Canadian. Patrick Sharp? Canadian. Brent Seabrook? Canadian. Duncan Keith? Canadian. Brian Campbell? Candian. They have a French Goalie, sure, and a Czech, but the only decent American guys they have are Kane and Burish. So draw your own conclusions on that."

Chicago Sports Family Fails to Agree on a single Team Jersey for Annual Holiday Photo.

Dateline: November 30, 2008, Oak Park. Sports Family Steadman was today unable to agree on a single team, much less a single jersey, for their annual Christmas Photo. "Blackhawks are the best Chicago team!" cried Sarah "Roku" Steadman. "The Cubs blew it at the end, the Bears are mediocre at best, who knows what's going on with the Bulls (though I acknowledge that Rose is a huge upgrade), and the Wolves are minor league!"

"You don't know nuthin," rejoined William Steadman, resplendant in his green-eyed Wolves jersey. "The Wolves have more championships in the last six years than any team within 100 miles of Chicago. When was the last time the Stanley Cup resided here? Oh, yeah, I forgot, it was before dirt was invented. Before Mom was born! Come on, get with the now!!!!!!"

"Beawrs!" shouted Emma Steadman. "Foo!"

Mom and Dad just looked on, sadly wearing their Cubs jerseys and wishing it were less than 100 years since the last title for their baseball team.

William Steadman Scores!

In this action sequence, you can see William Steadman of the Lil' Kickers Football Club scoring.

First he pushes off and rushes into the fray:










Then he chases down the ball:











Finally, he shoots, he scores, he celebrates!
















Reached for comment, William's Uncle Peter was incredulous. "Man, his dad never scored until he met my sister, and he was over twenty-eight by then."

Steadmans go head-to-head on the ice.

In a first today, the NHL sanctioned exhibition play between two teams featuring siblings -- brother and sister. Sarah Steadman, playing for the Blackhawks, tried to defense the offensive firepower of her brother William Steadman, playing for the Wolves. The ice nearly melted from the heat of the confrontation. This promises to be one of the bitterest rivalries in the history of professional sports, fans, so stay tuned.

Chicago Wolves Acquire Mystery Player from the NFL's Weakest-Link Cleveland Browns

Chicago Minor League Hockey team Chicago Wolves announced today the acquisition of a secret weapon, forward William Steadman. The little-known Steadman promises to be the Wolves' high scorer within months. "I was with the Cleveland Browns playing American Football," said Steadman, "My uncle Peter convinced me to play for them. But they really stink. They were 31st in the league in points scored, 32nd in yards, 22nd in rushing yards allowed. They are 1-4 and the only reason they didn't lose this week was they had a bye. I mean, they are almost the Detroit Lions, you know what I mean? I couldn't carry the whole darn team... I'm only four years old! So I'm taking up hockey. I expect to go from the minors to the NHL pretty quickly. My mom says I have a lot of natural ability. She was a great athlete. And my Dad is a total stud." He added.

Photos Emerge Proving William Steadman, Not Brady Quinn, Selected By the Cleveland Browns in the First Round of the 2007 NFL Draft.

William Steadman on NFL Draft Day 2007

Dateline: September 24, 2008, Chicago, Illinois. Photographs unearthed by our investigative reporter reveal that recent rumors about the root cause of the Cleveland Browns' offensive woes may be correct: Cleveland unwittingly drafted a now four-year-old Oak Park native boy with no prior football experience instead of the Notre Dame veteran they thought they were getting. The photos clearly show William Steadman, as a three-year-old in 2007, trying on his helmet in preparation for his first day of practice with the Browns.

A Cleveland Browns representative, speaking on condition on anonymity, denied the report. "Our offense sucks because it sucks. The fact that we drafted a 3 year old at quarterback has nothing to do with it."

William Steadman, reached for comment at his parents' home in Oak Park, told our reporter that "The money is great. Who ever thought I would get a five-year deal worth $20.2 million, with $7.5 million guaranteed? I probably won't ever get any of the incentives, but with this kind of money, I get my bling -- know what I mean?"

William Steadman Releases Photo, Demands "Equal Time"

Dateline: September 10, 2008, Oak Park Illinois. William Steadman today released photographs of himself in full hockey gear. Responding to recent press adulation of his older sister, the St. Giles Penguin star Sarah Steadman, William stated "It just isn't fair for the press to focus on only one of the fabulously-talented Steadman children. I have been in sports for at least a year-and-a-half now, and there are plenty of cute photos of me too. And anyway, I'm cute too. . . . Hey! Is that ice cream?"